[Sixty Eighth Cord]: [Locked from Hostiles] [Video]

[sakedrinking]

[Video comes on to a rather crooked view of Haku sitting on her bed. Her hair is braided, and though she's still in a nightgown, she looks like she cleaned up a little since she was seen last. She's blinking in confusion, though, apparently aware that the angle is off.]

Ah... Phasco...

Huh? ... oops, sorry, kid.

[Camera view is righted]

Better?

Yes. Thank you, Phasco.

[Haku nods, but hesitates, seemingly gathering herself before speaking again]

I'm... better. I'm not okay. I know I won't be okay until he's awake and I know that he's going to be alright. But... I'm better...

Firstly... I want to apologize to my family. I know now I've caused everyone a lot of pain and heartache by being so wrapped up in my own... that wasn't right for me. And. I'm sorry... I know for some of you that might not be enough... and if I've burned any bridges with my actions, well... this is all I can offer...

[deep breath]

Last night... Len experienced another personality switch. This one was different than the others. He was... aware of himself, the past lives, and who Len was now. He still called himself Len, but he spoke about events that happened in... in a song I sang only once. A song that caused me to collapse on stage. Called Daughter of White. He showed me the necklace that Rin found, with the pictures of the people that looked like them and said that he was... well. Him. The Len from the past. But he also said that he had died, and experienced things he couldn't exactly remember, but he could feel.

He had chains... on his wrists and ankles. They weren't solid, but I could see them.

Whichever one this was... he gave me insight in to Kokoro that we've never had before. And that I was... some how a part of their story, the story that started it all. It's probably why Daughter of White made me collapse... I couldn't handle it, for some reason. My... my Kokoro couldn't handle it...

For the same reason the twins are experiencing these personality switches. He had no idea how to keep them from happening, but he did assure me that our Rin and Len were the dominate personality - they will always come back, because we're... we're the life that breaks the cycle of hurt and pain and revenge.

[tears have started to fall down her cheeks, but she doesn't stop]

All of this made me realize that what I did with the Bloodclan was wrong. Even if they need to be stopped, it doesn't need to be like that. And he made me realize there's still hope... even now.

[she pauses long enough to rub at her eyes with her sleeve, though it doesn't make the tears go away. Her voice cracking indicates this]

I'm not okay... I'm not. I just want my husband back. Wedding or no wedding he is my happiness just as much as my family is... but I promise... as wrong as it may feel some times, I won't push anyone away anymore. I won't try to run off. I'm going to try to get my life back in order and... and wait for Eikichi to come back to me...

[another deep breath, and she lowers her arm again, folding her hands in her lap]

Dell... I think we need to talk.

Jade, Dist... we might need to talk, too.

Everyone else... thank you for being so patient with me. And, again... I'm sorry...

Okay, Phasco...

[click]

Comments

[punkass_drgnrdr.livejournal.com]

... Good ...

[drunkkareoke.livejournal.com]

Nii-chan...

I'm so sorry for how I behaved...

[punkass_drgnrdr.livejournal.com]

[Long silence.]

You scared me, Haku.

[drunkkareoke.livejournal.com]

I-I know...

I can't take it back... but I can promise you I'll never, ever do anything like that again...

... Okay, let's pretend this was locked from the beginning, shall we? /derp

[punkass_drgnrdr.livejournal.com]

[So many things he wants to say, and he knows that most of them have nothing to do with her. Most of them.]

You wanted to leave us behind. We were trying to help you and you--

I thought we meant more to you than that.

Right then. *kicks iPhone for fucking up the tag*

[drunkkareoke.livejournal.com]

I know... I know you were, nii-chan... I just... right then I couldn't see it...

I was... afraid. More afraid and hurt than I've ever been in my entire existence... you... you know what that's like, right? When it gets so bad all you can feel is pain and all you can see is how badly everything's gone wrong?

I was terrified I was going to lose something so precious to me...

All of my family is important to me, nii-chan. They always will be. ... you always will be. But... Eikichi is...

He's my everything... right then, thinking about living my life without him even after this short amount of time... it was like watching some one rip my Kokoro out and crushing it between their hands.

I know that doesn't make up for me running off... what I did then was just plain stupid. I wasn't thinking... Len was right, though. Revenge... it just isn't in me. Everything I did to that stupid-- ... to Scourge didn't make me feel any better. It just left me feeling hollow inside...

[punkass_drgnrdr.livejournal.com]

He isn't dead. He wasn't even dead and you gave up on him.

[It doesn't matter if he knows what that's like. Even when he knew it and tried to end it he wound up holding on for the ones still alive. She didn't even try, and God, it hurt.]

[drunkkareoke.livejournal.com]

... I know.

[she can't exactly argue. She knows what she did.]

I'm weak. I get scared and I fall apart.

[punkass_drgnrdr.livejournal.com]

You wouldn't even let us help you.

[You wouldn't let me help you. Useless.]

[drunkkareoke.livejournal.com]

At the time I thought I couldn't be helped.

... you can continue accusing me of things all you want, nii-chan. If you're waiting for me to deny something, I won't. I know what I did.

[softly, sadly] And from the sounds of it, if I burned a bridge with anyone... it's you...

[punkass_drgnrdr.livejournal.com]

[click.]